A Scattered Dream
by Sarabellum93
Summary: Zemyx. After attempting suicide as a kid, Demyx fell in love with his savior, who doesnt seem to love him back. Even if he isnt loved in return, it doesnt stop him from trying, and when he finds out the real truth, tears are all he has left. Yaoi. Lemon
1. Allowed to Love

Author's Note: Ok so to clarify, this fanfiction is an extension of A Far Off Memory, but from Zexion's and Demyx's story. This is Demyx's POV and I hope you like it =)

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><p>I woke up twenty minutes after my first class started, falling off of my bed and sprinting to the shower, racing in my clothes, and dashing off to campus. I'm a third year college student living in Radiant Garden, studying marine biology, trying to keep a relationship that is only one-sided.<p>

What I mean by that is, I've been dating someone who doesn't love me. Shitty and pathetic, I know, but I can't help it. See, my dad died when I was about six, and it's just my mom and I, and I hardly ever see her cause she's always at work. I get really lonely, but I try not to let it bother me that much.

I've always been the positive thinker, the one who friends rely on to brighten their mood. But at the same time, I got tired of being all alone; tired enough to love someone who has never repeated those words back to me.

But that's not the reason I started dating him. When my dad died, I got super depressed, because he had always been my role model. I used to go swimming all the time in my pool in my backyard, but one day a few years after my dad died, I decided to figure out what would happen if I never went back for air. Yeah, I guess you could say that I was suicidal when I was ten, but I couldn't help it. So I tied a heavy brick from my dad's old abandoned shed around my ankle. I was about to toss the brick in with myself afterwards, but when I looked up for what I thought would be my last time, I saw a little boy staring out his window in the house next to mine. He had been my neighbor for a while, but I never spoke with him. Anyway, he was staring at me and I felt a little awkward with him watching me. I tied extra knots and added a brick to my other ankle and when I looked up again, he was gone. I sighed before I pushed the bricks over and no sooner had I reached the bottom of the pool then I wished I had never done so. I screamed, which doesn't work well underwater, and started crying, wishing my mom wasn't at work, wishing my dad had never gotten sick, wishing I hadn't done something so stupid.

I started to choke and drown when I felt hands pulling on me. I opened my eyes and saw that little boy in the window trying to untie the rope from my ankles. I started to lose consciousness when he lifted me out of the water and pushed on my chest, causing me to spit up water. I coughed, took some deep breathes, and when I opened my eyes, he wasn't there. I never told my mom what I did, I still haven't told anyone except Axel, and I never thanked that little boy for saving me.

It was a whole month before I ever saw him again, and I didn't say anything to him. He was just sitting in his front yard and I smiled at him and waved, and he gave me a small wave back. Then, after that summer, we had school together, and we were the weirdest of friends. We hardly ever spoke to each other, but we were always side by side.

He is super shy, quiet, and easily disturbed, but with just my silent presence, I can tell it helps. We never said anything, never hung out after school, but for those hours we're together, the body language and facial expressions we use with each other are all we need to communicate. For years our friendship was like this; just this silent presence of being there. It started to change during high school, when we slowly spoke more and more. I used to talk to him every once and a while, but he hardly ever responded back to me with more than a head nod or shake. But one day when we were walking home after being assigned a long ass essay for English, I sighed, and he actually spoke.

"Fucking hate writing."

"Yeah, me too." I said, happy to just hear his voice.

"Science is much better."

"I agree." I remember getting quiet, not knowing what else to say. "Want to come over to study?"

"Yeah."

From then on, we spent every single day after high school over at my empty house, studying and doing homework.

Slowly but surely, I realized that he was my only real friend.

It's not that I immediately fell in love with him, but over time I began to love all the little things about him. I loved how smart he is and how cute he is; I love everything about him, except how he doesn't love me. When I first tried to kiss him, he hit me with a book. That was during our last year of high school. We were sitting on my couch and I 'accidentally' grabbed his hand. He cleared his throat, but I didn't let go. When he turned to face me, I rushed my lips in towards his, but he lifted a book between his lips and mine, forcing me to make out with a textbook. After he lowered it, he smacked the back of my head with it, stood up, and walked silently to the door.

I stopped him, but only to tell him that I really liked him and that I was just so tired of being all alone. He sighed at me, like he was annoyed, but then he shrugged and asked what I wanted from him. I told him that I wanted to love him, and that I wanted to hold his hand and to be his and to take care of him.

He thought for a moment before shrugging.

"Alright Demyx, I'll let you love me."

"Really?" I got so excited, I didn't pay attention to his exact words.

"Doesn't mean that I love you, but if you want to love me, I guess I'm ok with that." He said calmly and I grew sad.

"But, how does that work?" I was confused.

"Easy. You love me, and I don't know, try to make me love you. Who knows, maybe I will, maybe I wont. But if you really are that lonely, you don't have anything to lose." Zexion said and I nodded; he was right.

"Can, can I hold your hand? Can I hold you? Can I tell you I love you and kiss you?" I wanted a relationship with him so damn bad, I was willing to follow any of his rules.

"Yes to hand holding, yes to the hugging, yes to telling me you love me, and about kissing me, we'll see." He said and I threw my arms around him.

"I love you Zexy!" I squeezed him.

"No to the petnames." He pushed himself away from me.

"Kay," I frowned.

"Look, you're a nice guy, but I'm not the dating type. You can give it a shot, but if you make me feel guilty, I'm only going to leave." He sounded like he was warning me, but I didn't care. I loved him.

"I wont scare you away, I promise." I said, attempting a smile and he nodded as well.

"Good. Now, I have to go work on some chemistry homework, so I'll see you in class tomorrow." He opened my door and I grabbed his wrist.

"I love you." I held onto his hand.

"Ok." He said and walked away, leaving me feeling so confused and wanting.

I wanted to hear him repeat those words, but more than anything I just wanted him. He was right, I needed to make him fall in love with me. I could do this. I need to do this. I can't be lonely any longer.

That night, I laid awake in bed wondering how long this would work, me loving someone who clearly didn't love me back. But I knew I cared for him, because I wouldn't do this for just anyone. I may be lonely, but I am not desperate. Again, it wasn't love at first sight, but ever since he saved me, I knew there was something there.

It's been about two years now, and we've made slight progress. Actually, we've made a lot of progress, but he still won't tell me that he loves me. Now that we're in our third year of college, we've gone from that shy, barely-a-couple shit to a full on relationship that is still just one-sided. He comes over to my house a lot since my mom is never home and since he says that his parents don't care about him much. Usually we do homework together, and I cook for him and make sure he's ok. And, we have sex. The first time was actually his idea, and I was more than happy to go along with it, but it's not the romantic love making I've been craving. I fuck him, he moans loudly and yea it's sexy, but after he comes, even if I don't, he showers alone and leaves.

It's like I know he's using me, but I can't help it. I love him. My best friend, Axel, knows all about our relationship, and I can tell he doesn't like it. He keeps telling me that I can do better, but if that were true, I wouldn't be in this one-sided relationship. Axel's been dating someone he used to love when he was a little kid, and he's really happy now. He used to have this big crush on someone, but that someone left him, and then his parents died and he had to live with his aunt and cousin. For a while he was at rock bottom, and that's when I met him. I've lived in Radiant garden all my life, but I used to visit Twilight Town all the time, just because I loved to visit the beach and go swimming. That's when I met Axel and found out how rough he had it, and how he was making it worse. By sixteen he was an alcoholic; by eighteen, he was addicted to cigarettes, and by nineteen, he finally realized that he had let himself go.

He told me that it was because of his parents' death's and because he lost his one love, but he then got this unexplainable hope to try to find his first love. That gave him the motivation to continue fighting.

Now he has his love and he's so happy, it's great to see. The only setback is that I'm still loving someone who doesn't love me. I've been dating Zexion since our first year of college, and I feel like we've only made progress on the physical level, and not at all emotionally. Axel's been dating his friend for about four months now, and they seem as happy as can be. And deep down, I'm so envious of that.

Zexion lets me hold his hand whenever I want, and I can tell him I love him as much as I want, but I have to ask him for a kiss and I have to have sex with him when he wants it, which is often.

Zexion won't tell me much about his past, but I'm guessing since his parents neglect him, he just wants attention and control. I think that's why he comes over a lot to have sex, and once we have it, he's gone.

I try really hard to make him fall for me, and I can see at times that I win those little mini battles. Like how I always cook him his favorite foods and he actually gets happy, which can be kind of rare for him to show emotions, which again, I think it's his parents fault. He once mentioned how his parents never cook for him or even care if he eats at all, but when I tell him how I'll make whatever he wants and how much I care, he smiles. His smile is very rare, so I feel like I win his affection slowly but surely with each small smile. And I win him over with more than just my cooking. I won a science fair and he was really impressed, and I am part of the swim team and have a bunch of medals and trophies in my room that I catch him staring at. He's never been to one of my swim meets, but I think that if he did, I'd die from happiness!

It's because of him that I decided to join my jr. high swim team years ago. Since he saved me from drowning, I thought it'd be neat to learn how to swim perfectly and how to hold my breath longer and how to not be afraid of the water anymore, since for a couple years, I feared going back in that pool.

Christmas is coming up, and I already bought him an entire series of his favorite storyline from his favorite author. I can't wait to give it to him, and to see him smile. My mom makes a lot of money, and since it's just the two of us, I guess you could say I'm rich. But I know that's not why Zexion is dating me, cause his parents are both doctors.

Deep down inside, even though he won't admit it, I know it's not the things I buy him that makes him smile. It's the effort I put in to show I care. Cause even though he hasn't said it, I know he wishes his parents cared.

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><p>Author's Note: So now you have the set-up for this Zemyx! It gets better, I promise lol.<p>

I'm going to answer the reviews from the end of Hate to Love, just in case some/all of you that commented are reading this story as well =)

To boxthissideup: Hahaha, yay for roommates thinking we're crazy! I swear, we should make some club for that lmao. Yea, I think the best way for Demyx to prove he loves anyone would be for him to sacrifice his precious sitar, so I'm glad you liked that part! I tried to make the story as cute as I could, so again, thanks for liking it and I hope you like this story, once you begin to read more lol.

To drunkoncookies: Hahaha, yeah, I LOVE using quotes from the video games ^_^ Makes the characters feel more true to their real selves as square Enix created them. I haven't watched it, although I've been told by several to check it out. If I weren't so busy, I would have .

To casper: Hahaha, yeah, I usually don't like cheesy happy endings. Like, in movies, they can make me go from loving it to hating it. But when it comes to KH yaoi fanfic, it HAS to have some kind of feel good ending. If not, I feel like I want to cry and write something super happy lol AWWW! YAY! Thank you SO much and I cant wait to get more reviews from you. Thanks!

To 18plusforme: HAHAHAHAHA! Dude, that's kind of sad! Lmao! Man, I thought being mistaken for 14 was bad! No, I'm not 16, but people guess that's my age more than anything, so I can pass for it if I tried. I'm younger than I act but older than I feel. Basically, I act like I'm a working adult at a regular 9-5 job living all alone, but I have my immature fun moments that make me feel like I'm still 13 lol. I started college at 17 though, and I'm in the US. Where are you?

Thanks everyone for reading! Please follow, review, and 'subscribe' to me for more Kingdom Hearts Yaoi! I have more story plans that I have time to write, so I'm having fanfic overload! Which means, LOTS of stories coming up ^_^

Heart, Sarabellum


	2. Painful Love

"Morning Zexion!" I greeted him with a hug and I took his hand and kissed it, as I did every day after our classes. We didn't have any classes together this semester, but we ended around the same time.

"Morning." He was tired, I could see it in the circles under his eyes.

"Are you ok?" I asked.

"I think I'm getting sick." He coughed and I got worried.

"Flu? Fever?"

"No, just a cold." He shivered and sneezed, his nose turning red.

"Here," I took off my sweater and wrapped it around him.

"Thanks," He smiled at me and I smiled back.

"Of course. My baby's sick, and I'm going to make him all better again." I squeezed his hand and for the first time in a long time, he squeezed back.

"Thanks Dem." He coughed and I put my arm around his shoulder.

"Shh, just rest your throat." I said, walking him to my house so I could care for him.

"Stew or chicken noodle?" I asked, getting ready to make him soup.

"Stew sounds good." He was wrapped up in a bundle of blankets on my couch, watching the discovery channel.

"Here you are," I said when I finished, handing him a bowl of hot vegetables and broth.

"It's so warm, I don't want to let go." He let his hands feel the heat searing off the bowl.

"Then don't." I smiled, picking up the spoon and feeding him small bites.

"Thank you." He said after he finished the entire bowel and I cleaned up the kitchen.

"Anything else I can get you?"

"No. I think I'm going to go home." He didn't look me in the eye.

"But, why?" I felt heartbroken because I wanted to take care of him so badly.

"I'm sick and I don't want to get you sick too."

"I'll be ok." I said, never even thinking about that possibility.

"But if you're sick, who's going to take care of you?"

I shrugged, "I'll be fine. Besides, I'd rather get sick and spend time with you, than not get sick and worry that you're not getting the rest and care you need."

"You, you really mean that?" He asked, as if the past three years wasn't enough proof.

"Yeah, of course I do." I laughed at his silly question.

He shook his head. "I don't deserve you."

"What are you talking about?" I asked. Axel used to tell me the same thing, but I didn't care.

"I don't deserve you Demyx. You're so kind and gentle and loving, and in return, I'm nothing but a robot." Zexion looked away.

"But I love you." I sat next to him.

"I wish I could tell you the same," Zexion looked down at the ground.

"Then do it. Tell me you love me. Please!" I begged, grabbing his hand.

"I cant." He said quietly.

"Why not?" I whined, ready to cry, ready to just hold him till I died from loving him too much and not being loved in return.

"Because I don't know how to love." He said simply and I shook my head.

"Just smile and let me hold you and tell me you love me." My eyes watered.

"Why?" he shook his head.

"Why?" I asked, not sure why he was asking 'why'.

"Why do you love a nobody like me?" He seemed angry, and I got scared.

"Be, because, because you're somebody to me." My eyes silently leaked.

"But why?" He put his head in his hands. I put my hand on his shoulder but he swatted it away. "Answer me!" He yelled and I froze.

"Because, you give me a reason to care. I'd be alone if I didn't have you."

"But why me? Why not someone who deserves you?" He kept his head hidden.

"Because you were there for me when no one else was!" I cried.

"What?"

"When my dad died, I was little and alone. I went swimming and I wondered what it'd be like if I just let myself drown. But you. I remember what you did. You dove in and saved me. You've been here for me watching over me like my very own guardian angel." I sniffled.

He blinked slowly. "Demyx, you're my guardian angel. I'm nothing but a burden. For all these years I've been treated so perfectly and I want to tell you I love you, but I cant. I just cant love." He stood up and my heart sank as he began to walk away.

"Please, you don't have to love me. But please let me continue to love you."

"Whatever makes you happy." Zexion said before he left and I cried myself to sleep, hating how painful it is to love.

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><p>Author's Note: I feel bad, but I'm feeling like shit so I don't really have much to say right now. I hope you liked this chapter, and I hope you follow the story.<p>

HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT: So I hate to say it, but I'm taking a much needed break from writing. I just failed an exam and I am taking extra classes and I've been so busy and stressed, I don't have time to write anymore =( I wish I did, because writing is my passion and usually a de-stresser for me, but right now I just cant. I will finish posting this story since I've already finished writing it, and I will post the sequel to Butterflies after, but any other projects that I started are now in pause until I can catch up in school and have time. I'll still be here, reading and answering reviews, but I wont be starting any new fics or continuing any that aren't already finished. I still have a shit-load already done, so I guess as readers, you wont even realize that I stopped writing, but I just want to let you know that for some stories I promised to extend or add to, I wont be able to for a while. I'm sorry.

To casper: Thank you! I hope I don't disappoint with this plot! I like Zexion in this fic better myself, and thank you again for the compliment on Hate to Love. Hahaha, I usually suck at spelling/grammar, but Microsoft word does most of the work for me. I speak 3 languages, so my spelling sucks ass! As for my grammar, I study linguistics (basically, how languages are created, developed, used, different) so I try not to embarrass myself lol.

To boxthissideup: I'm always up for hugging Demyx and Axel, or both at the same time lol. I'm glad you liked it! I actually got my very first bad review on Hate to Love, and it kind of pissed me off, but I guess I'm just taking it personal -_-. Its hard not to though. But I'll trust your judgment better than the girl who wrote a nasty review, so she can suck it lmao =D

To 18plusforme: hahaha, well thanks anyway =P You don't have to if you don't want to, but that's awesome! I really want to go to Japan! I'm part Japanese, although I don't really look like it so no one ever believes me -_-. Its frustrating lol. Dude, I got a bad review on Hate to Love! Like, I know I'm not perfect and I know my stories aren't either and I know I cant please everyone, but it made me sad . ok sorry, just had to rant. My roommates wouldn't understand how traumatizing a bad review can be lol.


	3. Let Me Go

"Hey Dem, come join us for a movie today." Axel said as he and his little blonde boyfriend, Roxas, walked with me to class one day.

"Cant, I have work." I said, a bit sad, but I loved my job.

"Ah, well what about after?" Axel asked.

"Text me and I'll go if I can." I smiled and Roxas smiled too.

"You should invite your boyfriend."

"Maybe," I shrugged. Zexion hatted going to the movies, but maybe I could get lucky.

"Cool, see ya later!" Roxas waved and I waved back. He's good for Axel, and I'm happy for them, but I just wish my Zexion would love me the way those two love each other.

"Hey," Zexion said as I waited for him after one of his classes before I headed off to work.

"Hey, how was biology?"

"Interesting. How was your day?"

"It was alright."

"So what position are we going to try today?" Zexion asked since we were walking all alone in an empty parking lot.

"I have work Zex."

Zexion sighed. "Can we have a quickie?"

"No, I have to leave now."

"After?"

"I was going to go to the movies with Axel and Roxas."

"Dammit." He sighed.

"You can come too, it can be a double date!"

"I hate movie theaters."

"You could do it for me?" I suggested, knowing I was taking a risky move.

"Or you could not go and have sex with me." Zexion said and I sighed.

"I really want to hang out with Axel, it's been a while."

"If you love him so much go date him." Zexion folded his arms and I stopped walking.

"I love you Zexion, but it'd be nice if I felt that this relationship was worth continuing. Or hell, if it's even real!" I yelled and he glared at me.

"If you don't love me then just dump me!" He shouted.

"If you want me to dump you then dump me!" I yelled back, standing over him.

"I want you to act like you love me since you say you do!" He fisted his hands.

"Maybe I would if you acted like you at least gave a shit about me!" I panted after I screamed.

"I'm guessing now's not a good time?" Zexion and I turned to see Axel standing with a scared Roxas and I sighed to calm myself down.

"We're just talking." I said.

"Loudly." Roxas whispered, but we all heard.

"Sorry," I said and Axel did his best to end the awkward tension.

"Well just wanted to let you know that we're going at eight to go see that new comedy, so let me know if you're going to make it."

"Yeah, for sure." I said with a fake smile.

"Are you coming?" Axel asked Zexion, who glared at me.

"I'm Roxas," Roxas stuck out his hand and Zexion did the same.

"Zexion, I'm Demyx's,"

"Ex." I said, beating him to the introduction and he looked at me with bewildered eyes.

"What?"

"We're done Zex. It's over." I sighed, walking away as quickly as I could, rushing to work before I could change my mind. I don't know what came over me to possess me to dump him, but it was as if all the talks with Axel came through, and I finally realized how much of my time, love, and life that Zexion had wasted.

I started my shift as usual, but right as I left the coffee shop, I saw Zexion waiting at a table outside, alone.

"Can we talk?" He asked and I sighed.

"What about?"

"About us."

"There never was an us. Only me, a fool, in love with someone so heartless." I fisted my hands and he stood up.

"I don't want to lose you Demyx."

"Well you should have thought of that before. You had three years Zexion." I said, walking towards my house, now hating how we are neighbors.

"I'm sorry. I took advantage of you and I lost the most valuable thing ever."

I froze for a little bit, then continued on my way. "It happens."

"Look I'm saying I'm sorry, now can you take me back?"

"No Zex, life doesn't work that way. I'm so hurt and tired and I just want to sleep." I exhaled, wishing I was home already so I could crash on my bed.

"I thought you were going to the movies?"

"No I want to sleep."

"Let me sleep with you, I'll make you feel better." Zexion grabbed my hand and squeezed it.

"No, I don't want to have sex, I want to sleep."

"Then let me hold you." Zexion put his arms around me and I had no choice but to stop walking.

"Let me go," I whispered, so drained and exhausted.

Zexion didn't listen but I pushed him away and continued on my way. We walked side by side, silently, the entire rest of the way. I went straight to my door and Zexion watched before he went inside his house. Once I got in my room, I texted Axel about my situation, since he's my best friend and I can tell him anything. Then, I went to bed for the rest of the day and night.

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><p>Author's note: Looks like Zexion is finally realizing something here O.o<p>

To boxthissideup: Haha, well I feel so honored that you like the stories enough to run out of words to describe them ^_^ Thanks, I'm hoping so too. College is a bitch, especially when I'm trying to graduate a whole year early . I don't know whats wrong with me lol.

To casper: hahaha, yeah, he is being a bit of a jerk, but you'll find out why, trust me ;) hehehe. Thanks, I cant wait to read your reviews =)

To 18plusforme: Awww, hehe, thanks! So sweet of you ^_^ haha, awww, well genius is way too good a term, I'd just say I'm someone who's bored in class and loves KH and loves yaoi and loves to write lmao. I've been taking extra classes since I started this year in college, but now that its time for exams, im really beginning to feel the pressure. Haha, yeah, I've been writing at least for a few hours everyday for I don't know how long! I took a 3 day break, but then in class this morning, I couldn't help . I'm like a writa-holic! It's pretty sad lol, like I need a daily fix of KH yaoi to write or else I go into extreme bitch mode! (my poor roommates lmao). I sent you a skype request, username Sarabellum87. I hope I sent it to the right person, or else I totally just embarrassed myself lol .

Thank you for reading! Stay smiling,

Heart, Sarabellum93


	4. Fade to Black

I woke up from a restless night, thankful that it was the weekend. I checked my phone to see what time it was, realizing that I had five texts and two missed calls. Of course the missed calls were from Zexion, and I didn't intend on returning them. Two of the texts were from Axel, just checking up on me, and the remaining three were from Zexion.

I let gravity drag me down the stairs one foot at a time, fixing myself a bowl of cereal as I slumped on my couch. I turned on the Saturday morning cartoons, lazily flipping channels when I heard my doorbell go off over and over and over again in a really annoying tune. I knew it had to be Axel, so I opened the door.

"Hey buddy, you ok?" He asked and I stepped aside to let him in.

"Yeah." I sighed but I knew he didn't believe me.

"I'm sorry about what happened." He said and we walked into the living room.

"Me too." I said, still shocked that I had broken up with the one that I worked so hard to keep.

"Look I know it's hard, but maybe now you have some time to focus on yourself." Axel said to cheer me up, but I couldn't hide my frown.

"But I'm still so sad. I don't know whats worse; the fact that I put up with a fake relationship for years, or the fact that I miss him." I hung my head as I fell on the couch.

"It's natural to miss someone who you let get so close, but, and I hate to be an ass here, he wasn't the boyfriend you deserve Dem. You're so sweet and optimistic and caring, and as your best friend, it hurt to see you get treated so poorly."

"But I was happy."

"Were you Dem? Were you actually happy, or were you able to lie to yourself for so long that it became true to you?" Axel held onto one of my hands and tried to look me in the eye, even though I had to look away.

"I don't know. I just wish he cared. It hurt so much to love someone who didn't love me."

"I can only imagine. You did say that he wanted to get back together, right? So I'm sure that if he's serious about it, he'll prove it."

"You're right. I really hope he does." I sighed and Axel patted my back.

"C'mon Dem, I'll take you to your swim meet."

"Thanks," I slowly stood up, jogged to my room, grabbed my swim bag, and got on Axel's motorcycle.

"You ready Demyx?" My teammate, Marluxia, asked me. We stood in our blue speedos, stretching our arms in the locker room.

"Yeah," I said quietly, not at all like my usual self.

"Hey, keep your head where it should be. Focus." Marly walked away and I shook my head of any distractions.

I had three races that day, one solo and two relays. First I had a relay, were I was the second of three to race in a team. Then, I had my solo race, where Marly and I had to race again the swimmers of our rival college, Twilight Town University. Every time we had a meet against them, it was always a close call on who would win.

"Yo Demyx, you got this!" I heard Axel's voice, and I looked up and smiled at him and Roxas. I felt so lucky to have those two in my life to support me.

"Demyx, pay attention!" Xigbar, another teammate of mine, yelled.

"You're the first leg." I reminded Xigbar that he had to go first in the relay.

"Puh-lease, I got this covered."

Xigbar got in his ready stance, and when the whistle blew, he dove in the water.

Everyone was cheering and Marly and I were trying to mentally prepare when I looked up and saw him on the bleachers. Zexion was there, he came, to watch me. My heart drummed so loud, it drowned out the shouts and cheers. I took a couple deep breathes, returned my gaze to Xigbar, and when he slapped my hand, I dove in over him. I used my long body to try to keep the lead that Xigbar gave us, all while trying not to think about Zexion so I wouldn't get distracted. But then, I realized that him being there only made me want to do better.

After I slapped Marly's hand, I climbed out of the pool, gasping for all the energy I had just spent, my body cold and dripping.

"Come on Marly!" Xigbar clapped and I joined him, yelling and encouraging him as Marly touched the rim of the pool after his last lap.

"Yeah!" Xigbar high fived me before we helped Marly out of the pool, already celebrating our first victory.

We looked at our opponents, their angry glares proof that the rest of the meet was going to be brutal.

"No worries Dem." Marly patted my shoulder as I got on the starting block, ready to race. When I heard the whistle, I exploded into the water, trying to go as fast as I could. Even in the water, I could tell that I was behind. I decided to sacrifice coming up for air, hoping that if I pushed myself a bit further between breathes, that I could catch up.

My plan worked at first, since I was able to go father without breaking to breathe, but by the time I was halfway done, I was running out of steam. I clawed at the water, just trying to move my drained body. The lack of oxygen was taking its toll, and when I changed my mind and anxiously came up for air, I accidentally swallowed water. I chocked, scared, feeling that memory of when I almost drowned myself those years ago.

I lost that perfect form I've always been praised for having; floundering wildly as I just tried to finish. I lost that giant lead I had, falling behind as I moved forward. When I finally finished and stumbled out of the pool, I fell on my stomach coughing hysterically, spitting up water.

"Demyx, you ok?" Xigbar rushed to my side. I nodded as I coughed some more. I looked up at the score board that showed who got what place. Dammit. I got fourth out of five. I've never done so poorly.

"Don't get so cocky. You may be half fish, but you still need oxygen." Marluxia, who got second, helped me to my feet, acknowledging my nickname as the 'half-fish', since I can hold my breath longer than anyone else on our team; and because I've been told that I make swimming look so fluid and effortless, like a real fish.

"You alright?" My coach, Xemnas, asked and I nodded, still trying to catch my breath. "You good enough to still do that last relay?" Coach Xemnas asked and I thought for a moment. If I said no, we'd have to forfeit that event.

"I can race." I said shakily, knowing that there were three more events that I didn't have to participate in, so I could recover.

"Good, get some rest." Coach walked out to talk to Marly about his next race.

I sighed, coughing up the last of the water, looking to Axe, who nodded at me, trying to reassure me with his serious face.

Then, I turned to Zexion, who looked worried. I smiled to him, to show him I was ok. He smiled back and held his hands to his chest in the shape of a heart.

I grinned uncontrollably, wanting so badly to run to him, but knowing I couldn't. During the events leading up to my last one, I sat down on our team bench and mentally prepared for the last race of the meet.

"We got this." Xigbar slapped my arm as I stood, ready to go head to head with T. in the most exciting even of the day. This relay is shorter than the first, which is why the excitement is much more intense.

Xigbar started, going against a touch swimmer named Luxord. Luxord is a really good swimmer and made up for his loss in the first relay by beating Xigbar this time. Luxord's second leg was Xaldin, a not so bright but still decent swimmer. Marly had no trouble catching up to him, and by the time I got in, it was pretty even between myself and the best swimmer in TTU. Saix. He's very tall, has long blue hair, and is a straight up asshole. Before I knew it, I hit the half way mark, flipping to turn around and swim back to where I started. I was nearing the very last few stretches of my race, decided to take that dangerous risk once more, holding my breath as I swam for as long as I had to till my fingers touched the wall.

My head started to hurt, seemed to fade to black as I felt bubbles coming out of my nose as I fought my urge to stop to breathe. I didn't think I could go any further, but the very second I touched the wall, I jumped out of the water, falling onto the wet concrete at the edge of the pool.

I could feel a hand on my wrist as it pulled me to my feet.

"Yeah Demyx! We won!" I heard Xigbars voice before everything faded to black.

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><p>Author's Note: So right now I'm supposed to be in class, but I hate my German class, and its easy and we never do anything….so I think I'll post this and then be a little bit late ;)<p>

To boxthissideup: Yeah it hurts to see people like Demyx putting up with people like Zexion, but it'll all make sense, I promise. My vocab sucks too, and I often use the same words over and over which I hate because it makes me feel like a bad writer lol. It's a pain in the ass, but I really think I can do it, if it doesn't kill me first lol. It already put me in the hospital from stress . thankfully fanfiction is my medicine.

To SexyZexiReturnsWithBananas: can I just say that I love your username? Lmao. I was in one of those kinds of relationships and it ate away at me until I realized that if he wasn't treating me the way I deserved and the way I treated him, he could go suck it :P Aww! Yay! I love edgar allan poe, so I'm super honored ^_^ haha, I update daily and I will finish college! And same to you! Lol

To casper: I LOVE it when Zexion shows emotions because not only is it rare, its genuine. Idk, theres something about him that makes his feelings that much more raw and vulnerable, at least in my opinion. I'll do my best not to disappoint hehehe ^_^

To Drunkoncookies: Nacho's are awesome! Thanks! And I saw your comment on Hate to Love, to Emilyy, I have to say, that made my LIFE! I totally cracked up in class when I read that email on my phone! I seriously wanted to just high five you! *cyber high five* lol. Love ya!

To 18plusforme: We should totally skype! No, we HAVE to lol. Haha yeah, I love living on my college campus 9 hrs away from "home". I need privacy in order to write yaoi lmao. Thanks!

Thank you everyone for reading! Prepare for more Zemyx cUming up…dammit, I just gave away a spoiler to my own story lmao XD

Heart, Sarabellum


	5. Rearrange this Scattered Dream

"Huh? What?" I blinked my eyes slowly, unsure of where I was and what had just happened.

"He's awake!" That was Axel's voice, confirmed by a tinge of red in my blurry vision.

"What's going on?" I started to sit up when I could feel Axel pushing me back down.

"Easy there. You passed out, you need to rest." Axel sat at my bedside.

"Swim meet?" I asked, not sure exactly what I was asking.

"Yeah, you guys won, but only because you tried to go without breathing." Axel said, laughing at my stupidity, cause that's what best friends do.

I laughed too. "Guess that plan didn't work too well."

"You feeling better?" Roxas asked and I nodded.

"We were so worried." I turned to see Zexion in the doorway of my room, looking really sad.

"Yeah, you scared us." Roxas said and I frowned.

"I'm sorry."

"Just, please don't do that again. It's not worth it." Axel said and I nodded.

"Congrats on the win though." Roxas said to lighten the mood and I was thankful.

"Thanks! It wasn't easy."

"I'm just glad you're ok." Zexion said and I smiled at him.

"I'm fine."

"Do you want anything to eat or drink?" My ex offered and I couldn't hide how loudly my stomach growled at the idea of food. I usually loaded up on carbs right after a race, especially one as intense as today's.

"Sure, food would be nice."

"I'll be back soon." Zexion went downstairs and I looked at Axel, curious as to how he felt about Zexion being there. Axel read my face, we are just that close, and he shrugged.

"He seems serious about helping you, and I wont stop him from finally giving what he owed you all along."

"He seems nice." Roxas said, as he had just met Zexion, since the 'real first time' hardly counted on the day we broke up.

"He is. He's just, shy." I said, wishing there was a better word to describe someone who's afraid to love because they don't know how, so instead, they just use you. Dammit, shy sounds better.

"Here you are," Zexion handed me a bowl of tomato soup and I smiled.

"Thanks Zexion." I burned my tongue on the first mouthful.

"Careful, it's hot." Zexion took the bowl, stirred the spoon, and blew on it to cool it down.

"Thanks." I repeated and Axel cleared his throat.

"Well, I have that paper to write, so I'll come by later to check up on you."

"See ya later Demyx! Bye Zexion." Roxas waved and the two left Zexion and I alone.

"So," I cleared my throat and Zexion shrugged.

"Look I, I miss you Demyx."

"You what?"

"I miss you. A lot. I didn't realize what I had until it was gone. I'm sorry." Zexion sat next to me on my bed and put his hand over mine and I couldn't help but blush.

"I miss you too Zexy."

Zexion smiled. "I missed you calling me that."

"You always said that you hated my petnames?" I raised a suspicious eyebrow.

"I guess I never realized how much it made me feel special. I'm sorry. I mistook my fear for my disliking."

"Fear?"

"I was afraid to love you, because I thought that meant that I'd have to prove something. I thought that meant that I'd owe you whatever you expected from me."

"Zex, all I've ever wanted from you is to hear you say that you love me; and maybe for it to be true. I don't expect anything but who you are and what you are comfortable with. I just wish that you had thought the same for me." I looked away as Zexion sighed.

"I'm sorry Demyx."

"Me too. When we first started dating, I thought it was a dream come true; but as time passed, that dream seemed to get scattered. That scattered dream was so far off that it soon faded, and I felt like I was dating a ghost."

"I'd do anything to go back and change all that."

"I just want to know that I'm loved." I couldn't look him in the eye in my vulnerability.

"You are Demyx. I, I do love you." Zexion put his palm on my cheek and wiped away my warm tears.

"I love you too Zex." I sniffled and he put his forehead to mine, holding the back of my neck as I cried.

"Shh, it's ok Dem, I'm going to take care of you from now on, I promise."

"Kay." I nodded, rubbing my forehead against his as I shut my leaking eyes.

"I'll rearrange this scattered dream and turn it into your dreams come true."

* * *

><p>Author's Note: No, it's NOT over yet! There's still more to find out and some more drama, cause I'm the writer who just has to put my readers through that uneasy roller coaster ride lol. As if I don't write a shit-ton already, I found about 90 pages of the very first fanfic I ever started, a soriku, akudem, cleon, and rokuzex! Yeah, it's intense! Anyway, I'm really excited to start working on it again, so I guess my "break from writing" was a fail, but hey, as a writer, I guess that's not so bad a thing lol. Oh, and due to this chapter, we are now in the half-way mark of this story!<p>

To Casper: YES! Zexy does care…..but the next chapter…..well….you'll see ;) hahaha, do you speak German? I don't really hate it I guess, mainly just ALL the stupid homework I have to do and the pointless hours wasted in class. Ist nicht so gut =P

To drunkoncookies: haha nice! I do a lot of my writing in the shower…although I just write it in my head, then type it up when I'm done. That comment on Hate to Love was awesome, thanks! You want a lemon? Wish granted ;)

To SexyZexireturnswithbananas: Yes! I LOVE it when people do that with their hands! I don't know why, but it just feels so cute when someone does it ^_^ aww, thank you! I try to go for adorable with smut but with drama and suspense with the emotions. And yes, Zexy is SUPER Sexy! I love emo's lol.

To boxthissideup: haha yeah, I remember when my ex finally made it to one of my field hockey games, I was happy (we were still dating then) and it was hard to just ignore him and focus. But at the same time, having a bf/gf there can push you to want to do better. Haha, we'll I'd take fanfiction over class anyday, so…=P what do you think I do in class? Take notes? Psh, that's my cover up for when I'm in the middle of writing a lemon in a lecture of like 100 students! I cant decide if I should change the ending, cause I don't know if a happy ending is too cheesy since that's all I ever write, or if a sad ending is just not fair. Yeah, I was in the hospital for a day and a half, not fun. I can still feel pain when I get stressed too, right in my stomach. Fanfiction is my medicine, especially the comments/reviews I get =)

To 18plusforme: ANYTIME! I'm always online (unless I'm asleep or in class) so PLEASE shoot me an IM when you're free. If you see me online, IT MEANS I'M BORED! Lol. Yeah, I love how something as small and simple as a smile can do that to people, and you're on the right track with your hand-heart theory ;)

Thanks everyone for reading! And especially my reviewers! Also, on my profile, I will update it often by listing the name of the fanfic I am currently posting and which fanfic will be posted next and stuff. That way, if you want to read whatever story I'm posting next, you'll know what to look for =) So please check out my profile every so often to keep yourself updated!

Heart, Sarabellum


	6. Different This Time

Author's Note: So I realized just how short the past two chapters have been, and it's not even fair for you all to see that theres a new chapter posted when it's so friggin short! So I'm posting another right now, and the next one will be posted tomorrow, as they usually are posted, once a day ^_^

* * *

><p>Zexion stayed at my house for a few hours as we watched a movie in each other's arms, just silently snuggling, for the first time, mutual.<p>

"I love you Demyx." Zexion would say every ten minutes it seemed, and I could feel myself so overwhelmed with joy, I thought I was going to pass out again.

"I love you too Zexy." I squeezed him and he kissed my temple.

"Are you hungry, thirsty? Can I get you anything?" He offered and I nodded.

"I'd really like a kiss."

He blushed with a nervous smile. "Ok." He leaned over me, straddling me, and roughly pressed his lips against mine.

"You taste so delicious." I giggled and he chuckled.

"You're so cute. How did I not see it before?" He sat up and looked away.

"Zex?" I didn't know what else to say.

"I just don't understand why it took me so long to love you." Zexion sighed and I so badly wanted to change the conversation.

"But you do now, right?" I had to be sure.

"Yeah, I mean, I don't want to lose you. That's love, right?" he asked as if he were unsure, and that made me doubt.

"Do you love me or not?" I sat up straight and pounded the bed beneath me.

"Stop yelling!" He put his hands to his head and I started to tear up.

"You told me you loved me! Were you lying?" I tried to keep my tears in.

"I don't know ok!"

"How could you not know if you love me or not?" I started to sob and he sighed loudly.

"I just don't want to be alone, ok?"

"That sounds familiar!" I yelled, remembering how we started dating because I told him that a couple years ago.

"Look I'm sorry ok?" He yelled back and I sniffled.

"So, you don't love me?" My heart pounded with the uneasy tension.

"I didn't say that I didn't, I just don't know for sure yet." He looked away as if he were ashamed.

"How could you get my hopes up like that?" I yelled, crying.

"Don't cry Demy." Zexion pleaded as he wiped away my tears with his thumbs.

"I just want to be loved." I sniffled and he nodded.

"I know." He kissed my lips repeatedly, tons of short, simple, sweet kisses on my tear swollen lips.

I continued to sniffle as I leaned my face closer to his; silently begging for more.

"Yeah baby; you want more?" Zexion asked with a smirk and I nodded with a whimper. He always drew me in, even when I didn't want it.

He chuckled as he cupped my face. "Come here." He whispered and I put my arms around his tummy while he put his around my head. I was always the top, but it felt so nice to be held by him. He ran his hand down my back, calming my nerves and anxiety with his smooth touch. "Shh, no more tears." He cooed and I got out the last of my sniffles. "Do you want to take a nap?" he asked, making the idea sound so enticing.

I nodded and he let go of me to get in my blankets and I followed his lead. He held my head as I once again snuggled into his stomach. He fingered my hair as I drifted off to sleep, and to my surprise, when I woke up a couple hours later, he was still there.

Usually getting him to just lie down with me is a struggle, and getting him to stay even while I sleep is a pain; but this time he stayed willingly.

"Hey; you feeling better?" he pushed my bangs behind my ear and I smiled.

"I will be as long as you're with me." He gave me a pathetic half smile and I knew that this was all too good to be true.

"Maybe if we make love, I'll feel real love." He suggested and I sighed.

"It doesn't work that way Zex; it never worked before."

"Well, what do you have to lose?" he asked quietly and I sighed. "Let me please you." He took off his shirt, rolled up mine, and straddled me before lathering my chest with his tongue.

"Mfph," I moaned behind my shut mouth, trying not to show him just how well his tactic was working.

"Let it out." He whispered and at that moment, he bit down on my nipple, causing me to groan loudly, even as I tried to cover it with my hand.

I watched him lick my tummy clean as he unbuckled my pants, and after he slide those off along with my underwear, I knew I was lost in his trap.

"Turn around." He said and I went on all fours, my ass in his face. I held onto the pillows beneath me, squeezing them in my arms as he smashed my ass in his fingers, fingering my hole as I moaned loudly.

"Ah, hah, ah yeah, oh fuck yea," I whined, turning my neck around to see his fingers deep in my ass, feeling his touch everywhere down there.

"I brought you a present." He said as he reached under my bed to give me a bag.

"Huh?" I was still lost in his trance.

"It's a vibrating dildo." He took a long thick blue dildo out of the bag, one that vibrated and moved around in circles. "Lets try it." He smiled at me, and in my lack of awareness, I nodded.

I spread my knees out wide and leaned my chest on my headboard, griping the wooden frame as I turned to watch him slowly stick it inside me.

"Ah, ngh, gah!" I panted, feeling tension go up my ass, stretching my tight muscles.

"Shh, relax." Zexion ran his hand up and down my back, squeezing my flesh as his fingers pleased.

"Oh, hoh, mmm," I moaned, making those noises I know he loves to hear as he thrusted it inside me. I had to go back on all fours as I began stroking my own dick, its heaviness and weight beckoning me for attention.

Just then, Zexion turn on the vibrations, and my whole body shook with delight as I let out pleasurable cries.

"Ah, ngh, ngh, hoh, ah, hah." I winced, unable to take all this pleasure at once. Zexion thrusted it faster, swirling it around violently inside me. I could feel myself shaking and thrusting my own hips further into it, but the feelings were hitting my nerves too intensely.

"Take, take it out." I begged but Zexion didn't listen; instead, he put the vibrator on a higher setting, causing my whole ass to jiggle as it hummed inside me.

"Out!" I screamed and he pushed it all the way in. I arched my back with a scream, ready to come.

"I have to, have to come." I whined loudly and he turned off the vibrator, leaving it to hang inside me.

"Don't come."

"But I have to." I warned and he pulled the vibrator out of me.

"You'll make a huge mess and I'm not about to clean it up."

"You, you could swallow it." I suggested and he sighed.

"No Demyx."

"Why not?" For as long as we dated, Zexion never gave me a blow job or tasted my sweetness. Instead, I was always the one to do those pleasurable acts to him.

"Because, I don't want my mouth down there." He said and I could feel my eyes watering as I sat down, my back towards him.

"Kay." I sniffled.

"Now why are you crying?" He sighed, causing my tears to leak.

"Cause I don't like how you don't like my body." I said, covering my chest and half of my back with my long arms wrapped around myself.

"I do like your body. But I don't want to put your dick in my mouth."

"But, I put yours in mine all the time."

"Well, that's different."

"How?"

"I don't know; it just is." I could hear him shrug.

"I do it, cause I want to make you happy. I want to please you." I sniffled and I could feel his hands on my back.

"You do please me. I just don't feel comfortable putting my mouth on that." He sat right behind me, his chest on my back, his finger pointing to my still erect cock.

"That?" I asked in disgust at the way he said the word.

"Yeah."

"That is what I put inside you to make you happy!" I turned around, getting angry, knowing that sexual acts would only make us fight more.

"Then put it in me and stop yelling!" Zexion yelled back and I started sniffling again. "Why are you always crying?" He shook his head and I put my face in my hands to hide.

"I just want to be loved." I said, my shoulders bouncing, even as I could feel his cold hands on them.

"Hey, shh, calm down. Look, I don't want you to cry, ok?" He stroked my chest with his palms and I nodded.

"I still need to come." I blinked the last of my tears away and he nodded.

"Turn around." He said and I did, facing him as I sat against the headboard. He took my length and tugged on it rapidly, letting his thumb press into the underside vein, causing me to bit my lip as I whimpered.

"Zex, Zex, Zexy!" I shouted as I came onto my stomach. Its been so long since I got to come, and I made up for it by squirting many times over and over onto my chest and stomach, a few random droplets landing on my cheek.

"Damn; I never realized how much cum you have." Zexion's eyes widened at all the white liquid staining my body as I panted.

"It, it feels good." I gasped and he smiled.

"You look cute." He said simply and I blushed.

"Thanks." I tried to catch my breath, but that task became harder as he started licking up my cum, tasting my sweet on the tip of his tongue as he swirled it over my naked, heated, sweaty body.

"You know, that doesn't taste so bad." Zexion smiled, his eyes not even an inch away from mine, as he then started to lick up the last of my cum off my face.

"I love you." I said, putting my arms around him and forcing him to straddle me as we sat up.

"I know you do Demy. I care about you so much." He took my hand and kissed it and I nodded.

"So, you don't love me?" I had to know how he really felt.

He sighed. "I don't know yet Dem. Just, give me some more time, please? I know that I've already come a long way, and with your cuteness, it wont be long." He smiled as he kissed my palm. "It's getting late. Do you have practice tomorrow?"

"Yeah, we debrief the day after each meet to talk about what we did wrong and stuff."

"Like giving your boyfriend a heart-attack?" Zexion put his hands on his curved hips and I gave a half smile.

"Ex."

"Demyx," Zexion whined and I sighed. "Come on, please?" Zexion put one hand on my cheek, and I nodded.

"Ok." I said, knowing that by taking him back, we'd only end up fighting.

"I'll prove it to you. It'll be different this time." He kissed my lips and got off my bed, putting his shirt back on.

"You…you should spend the night." I said, feeling pathetic that even though I knew that taking him back would cost me, I still desired his body next to mine.

"I wish I could, but my parents aren't too happy with me right now." He looked away and I could see his sorrow.

"What's wrong?" I asked, deeply concerned.

"I don't want to talk about it." He looked away and my heart sank.

"Zex, if we want this time to be real, we need to trust each other." I was hurt; always hurt.

"I know. But this is too fresh. I'll be back tomorrow and maybe I'll be ready to share by then." He shrugged and I nodded.

"Alright. See you then, I guess."

"Night Demy; get some rest." He kissed my lips and then disappeared.

Not even a full minute after I heard him shut my front door, I got a text from him saying that he missed me. I smiled as I texted the same back to him, falling asleep, hoping that things really would be different this time.

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><p>Author's Note: I'm SO SORRY for putting you all through this roller coaster of Zexion's feelings about the relationship, but I couldn't make up my mind when I first wrote it . Actually, I didn't plan on posting it for a while, cause I didn't like it and I thought I'd embarrass myself if I posted this story….so I hope that's not happening lmao =P Don't worry, from here, it'll all start to make more sense =)<p>

To boxthissideup: Hahaha, yeah, if you haven't noticed, all I write are cheesy stories, but hey, when I write its because I want to feel better, and cheesy helps with that. Hahaha, breaks from writing just don't work with me. Like I said, I'm a writing addict. I need my fix lol. What did you used to play? And yea, I went to like all of his football games and he only went to ONE of mine. We dated for two years -_-. OMG I get SO paranoid when I write lemons in class. It's super awkward because I have the "I hope no one figures out that I'm writing a lemon" face and I end up writing in german or I use symbols so its not easy to understand lol. Yes, reviews help very much =) Thank you!

To Casper: Yeah foreign languages can be a bitch, but my major is forcing me to study them, and since I already know Spanish, I decided to take up german. I'm actually pretty much fluent now, but its still a pain to go to class when we don't do anything helpful. Hehe I love fanboy….fangirl (for me) moments XD (by the way, I hope this update was soon enough for you lol) ^_^

To SexyZexi: Sorry I left out the last part of your username, but it's super long lol. And I realize that explaining that I left it out and why is like SO much longer than if I just wrote it all, but I'm random and weird like that so….yeah lol. Aww, thank you! YOU ARE AWESOME ^_^ and poetry does rock! I originally wrote poetry, then short stories, and now I live in fanfic world lol. Haha, its hard for me NOT to get bored with all of my stories, which is why I work on about 5-6 at once. It keeps me busy and its hard not to confuse them, especially when I'm writing from different perspectives in each story, but I need to write or else I'd die from withdrawals lmao If you want descriptive, read Good Tingles! It's a short Soriku oneshot ;)

To drunkoncookies: haha, well if throwing up because its good is a good thing, then YAY! Lol. Yes, I am nearly fluent though, so it's a lot of review. I speak English (duh =P), Spanish, and German. I want to learn Japanese next ^_^

To 18plusforme: I love you too (heartz)! Yeah, just let me know when you have free time. Or just send me an IM, even if it looks like I'm offline, cause I sometimes hide like a ninja on invisible ;P UGH I hate when my sister would do that! Why cant they just let us live our yaoi-loving lives? Haha, no need for sleeping pills this time ^_^ although, you will have to wait till tomorrow for the next chapter, sorry lol. Oh cool! I can play the guitar, although I usually spend whatever little free time I have no writing or playing KH lol. What do you play? And its totally cool, I was never into those kinds of instruments lol. Hahaha, is it sad that when I read "blowing" I got all …..weird….lmao XD haha, man I love you lmao.

Thank you everyone for reading! Dont forget to check out my profile to see what fanfics are being posted next and stuff ^_^

Heart, Sarabellum


	7. Idiot, I Always Have

After I got off of swim practice, I went over to Axel's place, just to hang out.

"So you took him back?" he asked and I nodded, somewhat in shame. "Demyx,"

"I love him Axe. If Roxas didn't love you, would you still love him? Would you still crave his presence?"

Axel was silent before he sighed. "Well not loving me is one thing, but using me is something else."

"I don't care!" I said loudly and Axel shook his head.

"Demyx, listen to yourself."

"He said it'd be different. He said that he could love me."

"And you're willing to take those chances?" He asked, his eyes serious. I nodded.

"I have nothing to lose."

"You mean besides your dignity, time, money, energy, love," His list didn't seem to have an end.

"You wouldn't understand! Your boyfriend's perfect." I slumped my face in my hands.

"Well he loves me, I'll give him that." Axel said with an attitude and I hit him in the arm.

"Shut up! I know he loves you, stop rubbing it in." I sighed, rubbing my temples, angry at myself for losing it. "I'm sorry." I apologized.

"No, I'm sorry. Look, I may not like how he treats you, but if he means that much to you, then I'll do what I can to help."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Why don't you try inviting him over later and I'll call Roxy and we can all watch a movie or something?"

"I think he'll say yes." I smiled, grabbing my phone. "Oh, he texted me." I said, happy to see that he did so.

"What'd he say?"

"That he's looking forward to seeing me cause he misses me." I bubbled up with joy and Axel smiled.

"Good. Tell him to be here around six. I'll call Roxas."

When Zexion showed up to Axel's, I knew that we had to make this work in order to prove to Axel that we could make this work. Cause if we couldn't prove it to Axe, how could we prove it to ourselves?

"So, what are we watching?" Roxas asked when he made it just after Zexion.

"I'm thinking about this!" Axel held up the cover to a new release that's supposed to be really scary.

"Axe! You know I don't do scary!" I said, but Zexion held my hand.

"I think it'll be fun." He said and I smiled down at him.

"Alright but if I scream, don't blame me." Roxas rolled his eyes and we all sat on the couch. Roxas was sitting on Axel's lap, but to the side, so his cheek was pressed against Axel's chest while his feet were next to Axel's thighs. Axel had his arms wide around him as the two modeled the perfect couple. Zexion was sitting straight in my lap, our feet next to each other's on the coffee table as I put my arms around his.

When the movie started, Zexion bent his knees to his chin, holding himself as I put an extra layer of security around him with my arms, smiling when he turned slightly to smile at me.

Two hours and three mini heart-attacks later, the movie ended.

"Holy shit! I didn't expect him at all." Roxas shivered and Axel rolled his eyes.

"That was so lame. Not enough suspense."

"What are you talking about? I thought I was going to piss!" I glared at Axe.

"Yeah, lets not go with that idea." Zexion said, since he was still in my lap.

"Hehe, oh, yeah." I giggled and everyone laughed; even Zexion.

"Thanks for having us." Zexion told Axel when he and I got ready to leave.

"No problem. Hope to see you both soon!" Axel waved and Roxas smiled goodbye as we left.

"That was….fun." Zexion said as we rode the elevator down to the ground floor and to my car.

"Yeah, I had a great time. And, I'm really glad you decided to come."

"I told you I'd spend time with you. Sadly, I have to back home now." He said as we drove towards our houses.

"You cant stay the night tonight either?" I asked, clearly disappointed. I wanted so badly to sleep with him in my arms.

"No. My mom is still really mad."

"Why?" I've seen him mom many times since she's my next-door-neighbor, but I've never said more than 'hi' to her. She always looks busy, but she still seems like a good person.

"Cause." He looked out the window.

"Zex, come on." I said, prying for more information.

"I cant tell you Demyx."

"Well why not?" I whined.

"Because i…I ….i don't want to hurt you." He finally said and I gasped.

"Hurt me?" I didn't understand.

"You wouldn't want to know anyway." He was still looking out the window when I whined.

"Yes I do!"

"Do you really want to know?" he asked and I gave it some thought before I nodded slowly.

"Look, she didn't know that I was gay for you, but she found out, and now, now she doesn't want me around you." Zexion continued to look out the window as I drove with my eyes wide and heart heavy.

"You never told her about us?"

"I couldn't. I knew she wouldn't support us, and I didn't want her to tear us apart." Zexion curled up in his seat, and through the reflection of the window, I could see tears on his face.

"So, you did care?" I asked, trying to translate his words.

He turned to face me, then cried. "Of course I did!" He put his face in his hands and I pulled over by an old parking lot, putting the car in park as I unbuckled my seat belt and turned to hold him.

"Go on, cry, get it all out." I massaged his back as he sobbed in my arms.

"I'm so sorry Demyx! I've always loved you!" He said and I could feel my heartbeat. I let go of him, my arms feeling like jelly and my mind lost.

"You love me?"

"Idiot, I always have!" He said, and even though he insulted me, he did it with a sweet smile.

"You have?" I couldn't believe it, because I was afraid of being lied to again.

"Yeah, so much." He sniffled, putting his face back into my chest, and once the initial shock wore off, I put my arms around him again.

"Why, why didn't you tell me?" I didn't know if I was angry or hurt or curious or all three mixed in one.

"I didn't want to love you. I didn't want to love you cause, cause I didn't want it to hurt so badly when she tore us apart." He sobbed hard and I squeezed him.

"She's that against me?"

"It's not you, it's just," He sniffled, then sat up away from me and looked out the window. "She doesn't want me to be gay. She doesn't support that lifestyle."

"How did she find out that you are gay?" I asked, really curious to find out.

"She found a notebook I have with your name and hearts and my name with your name, and my name with your last name, and love poems I wrote." He blushed and I smiled, my heart so happy, I could have died and not even known.

"You wrote poems for me?"

"For you, about you, everything. I hid them under a secret shelf in my desk, but somehow she found them when she was searching the entire house for some medical document. She found everything; all the poems, all the drawings, all the journal entries." He started to cry again.

"When was this?"

"About three days ago. I've been grounded ever since, but she's hardly home and my dad is still in Twilight Town working at that hospital, so no one is home to monitor me. But that's why I have to be back early, cause if she knew that I've been around you, she'd probably make it harder for me to see you." Zexion grabbed my hand and ran his fingers over mine.

"All this time, I thought you hated me." I stared at nothing as I spoke.

"That couldn't be more false Demyx. I love you so very much." He kissed my hand and I gave him a weary smile.

"I hate knowing that you're in trouble because of me; but man, does it feel nice to know that I'm loved." My vision blurred with tears and he smiled through his own, holding me as I held him.

"It's why I may have looked like a sex addict; all I really wanted was to be close to you; but even then I was afraid to get too close. I was scared that if I gave you a blowjob, I'd never take your dick out of my mouth." He laughed through his tears and I laughed too.

"So, you did love me, you just acted like you didn't, to protect yourself?" I asked, trying to make sense of the past two years that all seemed like a lie.

"To protect us. I knew that eventually she'd find out about us, and I knew that she'd tell me that I cant go out with you; but I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I told you that I loved you and still had to walk away alone."

"But, you told me when we watched that movie that you loved me, the day of my swim meet?"

"I couldn't hold it in anymore. But then I got scared; I thought that I had let you in too close, and I had to retreat before I lost myself in you. It wasn't until I shut the door to your house last night that I realized that loving you and losing you is far better than hurting you, lying to you, and never loving you the way you deserve." Zexion wiped away a fresh trail of tears and I shook my head.

"I cant tell you how happy I am to know that you do love me." I started to tear up.

"I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you." He said repeatedly, making me cry as I smiled.

"I love you too, and no matter what happens, we'll get through this, ok?" I said, pushing his long silky bangs out of his face and kissing his lips softly.

"I'm so sorry I treated you so horribly. I was afraid to love you, because I didn't want to fall further in love with you. I didn't want to make it harder to say goodbye."

"I'm not going anywhere." I said firmly and he nodded with a smile.

"I guess I should take you home quickly." I put the car back in drive and sped off, sighing a sigh of relief when we got back before we saw his moms car in the driveway.

"I love you." I kissed him at his doorstep, putting my arms around him tightly.

"I love you too Demyx; so very much." He went on his tip-toes to kiss me back, and as he did, the light to his front porch flickered on.

Fuck. We got caught.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Just want to say, yep, 18plusforme called it! Lol. So next we shall see the conversation between Zexion's mom and the young, now fully exposed, real couple. To be honest, this was not the original path I had chosen for this couple, but I couldn't leave Demyx to torment in a one-sided relationship. But yes, there is still more drama ahead ;)<p>

To drunkoncookies: Whats wrong with her commenting? Lol

To 18plusforme: Gay marriage is illegal in most of where I live, but theres a nearby city where it is legal lol. And congrats for calling it lol. And yea, feel free to send me an IM whenever ^_^

To boxthissideup: haha no, I'm glad you feel that way about Demyx's and Zexion's talk, because that's what I was going for ^_^ Cheesy is good for fanfiction, because I read/write when I want to feel good no matter what lol. Yeah, school really does interrupt with my writing, but I love writing more than school, so…yeah…probably not the best…but oh well lol. I'm a linguistics major so I have to be at least bilingual, but I wanted to be trilingual, so I started German last year, in my first year of college. OMG I could never use my laptop in class! Yaoi pics as my desktop, lemons everywhere, not good. I just fold a piece of paper 4 times, and write on that lol. (MANY hearts ^_^ )

To GAH I CANT BELIEVE (aka casper): lol, awesome! Its ok to be lazy, because I'm always too lazy to edit or proof-read this .

To SexyZexi: haha, OOOoooooh! Well this story isn't very descriptive and it should be, but sadly, I'm swamped with midterms and papers and I don't even have a social life, so my fanfics have been suffering =( Oh, I like Meow ;) NOM NOM NOM back hehehe

Thanks for reading! Please review

Heart, Sarabellum


	8. I LOVE YOU TOO

"You were supposed to be home six hours ago."

"Mom?" Zexion's eyes widened, and his hair flew in front of one of his eyes as he shook his head in disbelief.

"I told you that you were grounded. Get inside. Now. And say goodbye to your friend, for good."

"He's not my friend, he's my boyfriend!" For the first time ever, I heard Zexion yell in my defense, and boy did it feel good.

"I told you that was out of the question!" His mom yelled and I cleared my throat.

"With all due respect, I love your son. And I do my very best to take care of him."

"He does mom! He feeds me and heals me when I'm sick, and he,"

"I don't care Zexion! Get inside now!" His mom yelled again and I gulped.

"But," I could hear the timid fear in his voice.

"Now." His mom crossed her arms and I grabbed Zexion's hand.

"I love you." I said, not afraid to say it, but I was afraid that he would get in trouble for it.

"I love you too Demyx," He kissed me; right there, in front of his mom. I could hear her gasp, I could feel him being pulled away from me, and when I opened my eyes, I saw her yank him inside before she slammed the door. I heard her yell loudly before I went into my own house; empty, cold, bare. I went deep into my blankets, holding my pillow, dreaming of Zexion telling me that he loved me, all night long.

When I woke up, I thought I was going to puke from depression. Loving someone who you just realized loves you too is amazing, and to have them live right next door is like perfection; but finding out that you cant be together….it's like Romeo and Juliet all over again.

I sighed loudly, checking my phone, not surprised that I had no texts or calls. I guessed that she took his phone away, and I then realized that I would forever be alone.

For a whole week, I didn't see him at school, didn't get any texts from him, didn't see any signs of life from his house; nothing. One day, when I was walking up to my front door, I noticed a sheet of paper poorly hidden under the doormat. When I picked it up and saw that it was from Zexion, I smiled widely before I went inside.

He told me that his mom was planning on moving, and that he wasn't allowed to stay behind, not even to finish the year at Radiant Garden University. He wrote that he wanted to run away and stay with me, but that he was stuck going with his mom on call to the hospital, waiting in the waiting rooms while his mom worked. He even asked if I could leave my front door unlocked because he wanted to try to sneak in at night if he can. He told me he loved me and that he missed me very much.

When I finished reading, I finally realized that I had been crying. That night, I left my door unlocked and I laid in bed awake for four hours, waiting, hoping, praying that he would come. He never did.

I left it unlocked for five days, and on the sixth night, he came. While I was still asleep, he crawled into my bed, and when I felt him, I jumped up in shock.

"Hey, it's just me." He said even after I turned on the lights.

"Oh thank god! Are you ok?" I held him tightly in bed, squeezed him as strongly as I could as he squeezed back.

"I've missed you so much, Demy." Zexion sniffled onto my shoulder.

"I've missed you so much, Zexion. I love you." I smothered his back with my hands, feeling his pale smooth skin quiver beneath my touch.

"Please, hide me. Let me stay with you forever." Zexion begged and I sighed.

"I cant do that Zex. I want you, badly, more than anything. But I can do that knowing that your parents are going to get angry. Besides, you're an adult. Cant you just ask to move out? If they let you move out, I'll let you live with me." I said, making the best offer my conscious would let me.

"They'll know that I'll be staying here, and that means they'll say no." Zexion sighed loudly and I grew so tired of all the drama.

"I just want to feel you in my arms." I pleaded and he smiled.

"Can I show you something?" He took out a notebook he had in a backpack.

"What is it?" I got all excited, as if it were Christmas.

"I want to show you the stuff that I drew and wrote for you. I was able to take some of the stuff that my mom found, but she hid most of it from me. And the rest of this is stuff that I worked on after she found the others." He handed me some drawing, sat in my lap, and snuggled against my chest as I kissed his head and looked at each drawing.

The first was dated back to when we first started dating, and it was of the both of us holding hands. You couldn't see our faces, just our backs as if we were walking out into the back of the paper, but the shading and deep colors made me want to cry and smile all at once. It looked sad, almost like we had to leave the drawing, but we were holding hands, and that's all I really cared about. The next drawing was dated a month after the first and it was of us snuggling on my couch together. It focused on the way that we were both looking at each other even though we were holding each other, and it made me smile. Most of the older drawings were of us just holding hands, of us snuggling side by side, or of him sitting peacefully in my lap, but when the dates on the top of the page became more recent, the pictures became more adorable.

One was of us kissing. Just a kiss. Yet, the way he drew it, it felt like so much more. I was cupping his face and his arms were around my neck, and our lips were locked so simply yet so passionately. Then there were some of us making out shirtless, and I couldn't hide a blush at what he said next.

"Once my mom found those, I drew these and made sure to hid them extra secretly." He handed me a stack of papers and I gulped at the first image of us lying down side by side, our naked bodies exposed and our dicks rubbing against each other. At that I shrunk into myself and he held me. I blushed deeply at my eyes started to water, not just because of what I saw, but just because it wasn't until recently that I found out that he really did love me.

"Hey, shh, it's ok." Zexion held me and rubbed my back. "There's more." He kissed my temple and I sat up again, smiling as I blinked the tears back into my eyes and looked at the next drawing. It was of us making love, making deep, rough, passionate love as he had that look on his face that he gets when he's about to come, and I had that look that I get when I'm ready as well. There were a bunch of drawings just a couple days old of us making love in various positions, and some with him sucking my dick as I watched, biting my lip.

"Do I bite my lips that much when we have sex?" I asked, noticing the trend in most of his drawings.

He smiled as he nodded, "I think it's the most adorable thing about you."

I blushed and shrugged. "I think you're the most adorable thing about me."

His eyes widened before he turned a bright pink. "You're so sweet." He looked away but I turned his face to mine and kissed his lips. "Here, I brought these too." He handed me some more papers and I took them happily.

"Some are poems, some are journals, and some are just random rants." He explained as I took the first, dated back to the very day I asked him out. It read,

"Dear Journal, Demyx asked me out today, and I have never been so torn in my life. Part of me wanted to ask him what took so long, but I know that mom wont approve. In the end, I had to tell him that I didn't love him back. Of course it was all a lie, but I don't want him to know how I really feel, cause I don't want him to love me more; he's already perfect, and if he knew how I really felt, he'd just make it harder for when mom tears us apart for good. Mom's never really home, so I think it might actually work, but if she sees me treating him like he's my boyfriend, or if she notices how I smile only when he's around, she'll get suspicious. Because of that, I'll just have to act like I don't really care about us dating. There's only two things I'm afraid of happening. One, is that we'll get caught, and although it'll happen eventually, I want to act like it wont. The other, is that I'll lose him once he realizes that he deserves better. Cause he really does deserve all of me, and as much as I want to give it to him, I'm afraid of having to say goodbye."

I couldn't help the sad look on my face that came after reading that, but then he handed me another to read next.

"Dear journal, today, Demyx and I had sex for the first time! I'm pretty sure it was his first too, cause he seemed really nervous and kept asking me how I felt and if I was ok, but then again, he's just perfect like that anyway. It felt amazing! To feel him move inside me….it makes me wish that I could walk through walls so I could be in his room right now and have him fuck me again. I miss him so much. I miss that nervous look he gets on his face when he's enjoying himself, cause its just too cute. Then, he bites his lip, and I cant help but smile. He's very gentle with me, and that makes me feel so loved. I felt bad, but I left the second I came. I was afraid that if I stayed longer, I'd never be able to part his side. I just wish I could admit how much I love feeling him inside me, but I'm scared that if I tell him that, then I'll tell him that I love him, and although it's true, it'd hurt too much to say goodbye."

I gave a cheap smile and he smiled big when handing me the next.

"It's like a half poem, half journal thing." He shrugged and I began to read.

"Dear journal, Demyx and I have been dating for over a year and a half now, and it's getting harder to have sex with him, because I'm craving him. I cant help it. I'm addicted to his body. He probably thinks I'm a whore who's only using him for sex, but that's not true; I'm only addicted to his body because I love watching him make love to me. Yeah, it feels good physically, but what I love the most is seeing the cute faces he makes when he's panting, when he's biting his lip as always, or when he chanting my name as he comes. When he's inside me, I know its as close as we can get, and for those moments, it's like he knows that I really do love him. But that's why it's getting harder. I don't want him to know that I love him cause of mom, but I need to make love to him, cause I need to let him feel me as I feel him. I need him to know that I'm not heartless; I need him to know that I care. I miss him so incredibly much right now. I want to feel him inside me. I want to feel his fingers over my skin.

Demy touch me here, tell me what you feel.

Demy touch me there, let me show you that it's real.

Demy, touch me wherever you desire.

Demy you're my love; you're all that I admire.

Demy kiss my lips, fell them tremble underneath yours.

Demyx fuck me roughly, tell me to get on all fours.

Give it to me hard, give it to me good.

Ii wish I could tell you how badly I want it, but theres no way I ever could.

Demy I love you so much, I love you more than I can say.

When you put your arms around me, its there where I want to stay.

I want you to hold me forever, I want you to know that I care.

I want you to wipe away my tears, I want you to run your fingers through my hair.

I want you to know, that I only smile when I see your beautiful face

If you threw away your heart, after it, I would chase.

I'd bring it back to you, good as new

I'd tell you that I'd take care of it, that I'd take care of you.

Cause Demy I love you so much, I love you more than I can say.

I'd do anything to take you as my lover, and run far away."

I Sniffled as I read that, not exactly sure why. Maybe it's because that's all I've ever really wanted; a love confession from him. I squeezed him tightly. "I love you." I whispered harshly.

"I love you too Demy. There's a bunch more, but my mom has them. Anyway, I wrote this the day after you broke up with me. I want you to read it, to know that I'm not making any of this up." He handed me the next page and I nodded.

"Dear Journal, today is by far the worst day of my life. Demyx finally realized that I wasn't treating him right. It's my fault, I know, but I only acted like a jerk to protect my heart. But I was stupid. It took me till today to realize that by protecting my heart, I was sacrificing his. That wasn't right. I'm so fucking stupid! And now, as I write this, alone in my room, trying to call him, trying to text him, crying my eyes out, I can only wish that he doesn't hate me. I don't want to tell him that my mom wont let me date him, but I just want him back. So damn bad. So fucking badly, that it hurts. I've already thrown up twice today, and I'm sure I have a fever just from crying. Mom thinks I need to go to a hospital, but she cant explain my symptoms. I can. A broken heart. My heart is broken, shattered, in the worst way possible; and all because I realized that I destroyed the heart I love the most. Demy's heart. My Demy's heart, so pure and sweet and gentle and kind. Fuck me. I fucking hate myself! I cant even write anymore; I cant see the paper cause I cant stop crying. And now I have to puke again.

Dear journal, I've thrown up six times today, some by force. I hate myself so much, I wish I could prove to him how it was all a lie. This is the real me: this vulnerable, helpless boy who needs his love to survive. I need him; I need him so badly it hurts. My stomach is literally aching and I've been crying in both sorrow and pain, and mom is about ready to call an ambulance because I cant stop wailing. I spent half the day on the bathroom floor, digging my nails into my skin, forcing myself to puke, then having to puke just because my stomach hurts so fucking much. My eyes literally hurt from how much I've been crying. Thankfully, and sadly, I'm in so much pain, I cant even talk. That means I don't have to answer moms stupid questions. I just told her that my stomach is killing me and she thinks it could either be food poising or an ulcer from all the stress from my studies. But college isn't stressing me out one bit. What is killing me, what is eating away at me, is knowing how hurt Demy is. When he cried because he told me he just wanted to be loved and that I don't care about him, I could feel the tip of the blade piercing my heart. When he called me his ex, in front of his friends, I wanted to beg him no. I wanted to cry and scream till he took me back. But I was so shocked, that all I could do was watch him leave.

I've called him several times and I've left messages, crying, pleading with him, but he hasn't returned any of them. I've sent him texts, begging him to just let me talk to him, but he hasn't responded to any of those either. I think he's really mad at me, and I don't blame him. I wish more than ever that I could have a redo button. That I could go back in time and be the boyfriend he deserved. His heart is too precious for me to have abused and wasted, and I'd do anything to prove to him that I wont ever make that mistake again. He has a swim meet that I'm going to, and I'll show him that I care, even if it kills me. Cause not being able to show him that I really have loved him all along is already killing me."

I sat there, unmoved. "Did, did you really throw up because of me?"

"No, because of me. I'm sorry I hurt you so badly while we dated." He tightened his arms around my neck and I squeezed him back.

"I'm just glad that I know the truth now."

"You deserved it from the very beginning. I failed." Zexion started to cry, so I held him tighter.

"Sh, baby don't cry, please." I said, for the obvious reason that when he cried, I did too.

"I just wish I could have been who I wanted to be for you." He whispered through his tears and I swallowed mine.

"I know. It's ok, it's who you are now and that's all that matters, ok?" he nodded and we sat there silently for a few minutes.

"There's one more." He said, after we had both calmed down.

"Ok."

"I wrote this the night that mom caught us, after I told you everything." He said, handing me the last of the papers. I gulped as I took it, my heart already heavy after having read everything else.

"Dear Journal, today was one of the best and worst days combined. I finally got to tell my Demy the truth, but only because I was afraid of losing him for good. I know he deserved to have known from the beginning, but I was scared. Hell, I still am. But now, I'm only scared because mom caught us. When she opened the door to us kissing, I figured what the hell, and kissed him again. She got super mad, pulled me inside, and slammed the door. She yelled at me for hours, telling me how she forbade me from seeing him. I didn't care. I told her that I loved him and that he's the only one who ever cared for me. I told her how he takes care of me when I'm sick, how he feeds me, how he once even beat up an old bully, who didn't dare touch me after. I even confessed that the day I was "sick" was really because he broke up with me. She wouldn't hear any of it. She sent me to my room and locked me inside the second story room, where I've been ever since. She brought me food, but my own mother doesn't even know that I'm allergic to fucking mushrooms. I've told her many times, but she keeps forgetting; although she's mad, I doubt she's actually trying to poison me. She feels bad when I remind her, but I'm not going to eat any of it this time. I cant eat. I cant even speak. Not without my Demy. Demy never would have forgotten that I'm allergic to mushrooms. He would never ever make the mistake of feeding me something I don't like, much less something I'm allergic to. I miss him. I miss his body. I miss his smile, his face, the soft touch of his fingers on my bare skin. I love him. Demyx, I love you."

When I put the paper down, I broke down. "I LOVE YOU TOO!" I sobbed and in another exchange of roles, Zexion held me.

"I love you Demy." He rocked us back and forth and after we cried in each other's arms, my head began to hurt.

"Can we just sleep? Please? I just want to sleep with you in my arms." I sniffled the last of my tears away, nudging my cheek against his.

"Alright. I love you baby." Zexion kissed my cheek and I kissed the top of his head as we both fell asleep.

"Zex, Zexy, Zexy get up." I shook Zexion awake in the morning as the sun shined through my window.

"M?" He stirred reluctantly.

"Zex, it's nearly eight in the morning. I don't want you getting caught." I didn't want him to go, but if he got caught, he'd never be able to come over again.

"I don't want to leave." He rubbed his eyes.

"I don't want you to either." I said, running my fingers in his hair.

He sat up with a sigh. "I love you."

"I love you too." We hugged, kissed passionately, hugged again, kissed some more, and then about ten minutes later, I heard him close the door and leave.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: So there's a little peak into some of the real feelings of Zexion during their relationship. I gave up writing love poems long ago, so I'm sorry that I only wrote half of one that's really cheesy. .<p>

To boxthissideup: I feel like Axel isn't given enough credit, so I tried to help fix that in this fic lol. Yeah, I hate his mom too! I'm sorry I did that to you Zexion! Lol Yeah, and I'm glad that you liked the scene of his vulnerability, because I felt so unsure about it when I wrote it and I kept wanting to change it here and there, but I knew that if I started to do that, I'd never stop. Well if you have any questions about Linguistics, I'm here! It is awesome, but its tough. Hahaha yea, my phone has fanfic and email, so I use that to read your comments and smile while in class when I'm about to die of boredom.

To Casper: congrats on clicking the right thingy! Aww, I take that as a compliment that you almost cried, since that's the reaction I'm going for, but I'm so sorry for the suspense coma!

To SexyZexi: haha, it's all good! Long names are hard to type because I easily misspell things lol. YES! He does care! Hehe, yes, nasty drawings! And cute drawings! If I could draw, I would draw them and post them somewhere, but I suck at drawing, so I stick to writing, which is at least tolerable lmao. Umm, if my boat had a flat tire and I didn't have a spare, I'd make one out of plants on the desert island. As for the penguin question: 1) I love penguins (I was one for Halloween!) and 2)I doubt there would be penguins in a desert, so….i'm going to guess that it would take NO penguins to change a light bulb, since I wouldn't be able to find any. Final answer? Lmao

To 18plusforme: haha, yes you did call it! Congrats! Haha, writing KH yaoi for the rest of my life with you does sound pretty awesome ;P don't worry about going overboard, have you seen the shit I write? (dumb question, of course I know, you're an awesome fan.) point is: I don't believe in overboard lol. I'm sure he wanted it, I wish I was a dude so I could be gay lmao =D

HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT: PLEASE READ! Ok, now that I have your attention, I want to say that I have a NEW JOINT ACCOUNT with SarCastic HypoCrite and we are working together on an AWESOMELY EPIC fanfiction. It wont be out for a while, because we just started brainstorming, but I'll keep you all updated via my PROFILE. So check it out every so often to see how/when its coming up and yeah, I'm really excited for it. It will be a soriku, akuroku, Zemyx, and cleon all in one. ^_^

Heart, Sarabellum


	9. Truly Alone

"I never would have guessed. It seems that I had him all wrong; I'm sorry." Axel apologized when I told him the truth behind my relationship with Zexion.

"I don't know if I'll ever see him again, or when I'll see him next. I miss him so much." I sat on his couch as we waited for Roxas to watch a movie.

"Look, I don't know if this'll help, but I was there once, with Roxas. I thought I'd never see him again, and even though it took years, we reunited. I'm sure that if it's meant to be between you two, it will work, and you'll find each other again." Axel's words encouraged me, but it didn't help the fact that I missed Zexion so much.

"But why now? Why couldn't he leave and disappear from my life when I thought he didn't love me? Why does it have to be now, when we could have had the relationship I've been dreaming about for so long?" I buried my face in my hands, trying not to cry, but by then I was so beyond help.

"Hey, it's ok." Axel put his arms around me, and he has this warmth to him that's so comforting, its no wonder I went to him all these years for advice and friendship.

"Demyx, what's wrong?" Roxas asked. He and I are becoming really good friends, since he's always around Axel, and I can tell that they truly do belong together.

"Give him some time," Axel said, patting my back as I broke away from his hug so he could greet Roxas properly and so that way I could go to the bathroom to wash off my face.

I came back just in time to see them making out, which forced my right back into the bathroom without them even knowing that I saw them. I sat on the closed toilet, thinking about Zexion, thinking about why life had to hate me so much, thinking about what I could do. That's when it hit me.

"Hey, I think I'm going to go home." I said, walking back into the living room as Roxas and Axel were making their way to the couch.

"You sure?" Axel asked and I nodded.

"Yeah. There's something I need to do. Sorry."

"No worries. I hope it all works out." Axel smiled and Roxas did too.

"Good luck with whatever it is." Roxas waved as I left, running down the stairs, to my car, and speeding back home. I opened my front door, ran inside, up the stairs, to my bathroom, showered, changed into some nice white skinny jeans and a button up sky blue shirt (since everyone says that they make my eyes pop), and started to go downstairs when I ran into someone.

"Mom?" I asked, surprised to see her, since it had been weeks since she was last home, which was only for a couple days.

"Demyx, what have you gotten yourself into?" She put a hand to her head, like she was frustrated, and I looked at her like I was confused.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the neighbor boy. I come home for the first time in a while, and who greets me? Our next door neighbor, to tell me that my son is supposedly in love with hers." My mom crossed her arms and I shrugged.

"I love him mom. We dated for a long time, and I don't want to change that."

"Demyx, I know I haven't been here for you as much as I would like to have been, and I know that you're old enough to make your own decisions, but his mom is concerned. For her sake, as a fellow mother do me a favor, stay away."

"I cant do that mom, I," I started, but she interrupted.

"Demyx, I'm not asking you." We both went quiet. "I've got to pack, I have a business meeting and I have to leave tonight."

"How long are you going to be gone for this time?" I couldn't even look her in the eye.

"At least four weeks; I'll find out more after that. But hey, I'm serious. I gave her my cell number; if she calls to tell me that you've been starting problems, I will,"

"What? What are you going to do? You've never been here to do anything in the past, so why should this be any different?" I don't know why I got so angry, but I was serious about not letting Zexion get away. Usually I'm the very obedient child, but this time, this time things were going to change.

My mom sighed. "I'm sorry Demyx. I'm sorry I couldn't be the mother you deserve." I rolled my eyes. My whole life people were apologizing to me because they weren't 'who I deserved', but none of them realized that all I wanted was them to just be there.

"If you take him away from me, I'll be all alone." I pleaded, being honest.

"Demyx, you have friends."

"If you take him away from me, I'll do it this time, and he wont be there to stop me cause you wont let him." I yelled in my tears and she set down her briefcase.

"Excuse me?"

"A couple years after dad died, I tried to drown in that pool. Zexion, he saved me. If he didn't, you would have found your sons corpse years ago. If you take him away from me, no one is going to jump in to save me." I sniffled at the memory of that cute, little, innocent boy who didn't hesitate to save my life.

"Why, why didn't you tell me?" My mom rushed over to me to hug me, and as much as I hated it, I was so desperate, I hugged her back.

"Cause I didn't want you to worry. I had him, even as just a friend back then; but that was all I needed. If you take him now, I will be so alone." I cried and my mom rubbed my back, trying to calm me down.

"He's that important to you?" She pushed me back to see my face, keeping her hands on my tall shoulders.

"I'd die for him." I said, clearly and audibly through the silent small tears.

She was silent for a while, as if she were thinking. "I think you should go lie down, ok?" She wiped my tears, but I pushed her hand down.

"I'm not a kid mom!"

"I know, but you're tired and you're getting worked up, and I understand why, but maybe you should take some time to relax. Where are you going? You look….really nice."

I crossed my arms. "I was going to try to reason with his mom."

"He really means that much?"

"He's my life."

"Alright sweetie; go lie down for at least an hour and think this through. Please?"

I nodded with a sigh. "Alright; I guess I shouldn't show up crying." I wiped my sleeve across my face and went upstairs, jumping on my bed, taking a quick nap. When I woke up, I scurried to fix my hair into the perfect Mohawk I could get a mullet to cooperate with, and then I rushed down the stairs to find no trace of my mom inside, even though her car was still in the driveway.

I shrugged it off and went up to Zexion's door, taking two deep breathes before I knocked.

"Hello." It was Zexion's mother, and I gulped.

"Good-day. I was wondering if I could have the chance to talk to you ?"

"About?" She seemed very stern, and it made so much sense as to why Zexion is always so shy and timid and occasionally emotionless.

"Ma'am, I'm truly in love with your son, and I will do anything to prove it."

"Anything?" She raised an eyebrow.

"I swear it." I said, putting a hand over my heart.

"Demyx, is it?" She asked and I nodded. "Come inside." I followed her inside and into a family den where Zexion was sitting, along with my mom.

"Demyx?" Zexion jumped to his feet and I could feel my heart racing. I smiled, holding myself back so as not to run to him and ravish his lips with mine in front of his mother.

"Mom? What are you doing here?" I asked and she patted to the couch beneath her and I took a seat next to her, across from Zexion and his mom.

"I see a drive and love in you that I know you wont let escape. You're strong willed and dedicated and loyal; just like your father was." My mom smiled and I couldn't help but smile too, even though my eyes began to water at the reminder of my dad.

"Your mother has helped me realized something similar in Zexion." Zexion's mom cleared her throat. "I've never seen you put much care or attention into anything besides your studies; but this love you confess to have is in its own level."

"I really do love him!" Zexion stared at me and I smiled back as wide as I could.

"He's everything I could ever ask for." I said to his mother, and she nodded.

"I don't approve of this lifestyle." She said boldly and I could feel myself sighing as I tried to think of a way to get past that block.

"Please, don't limit your son in finding happiness."

"What if all it will bring is sorrow?" She raised an eyebrow and I gulped.

"There's really only one way to find out."

"You'd have me risk my Zexion's happiness and success for your own?"

"No, I didn't mean it like that. What if, what if you gave us a chance to show you how this relationship, if you allow it, will only benefit him."

"And in what ways?" Reasoning with her was worse than trying to haggle with a car dealer.

"Emotionally, mentally,"

"If 'physically' is next on your list, you can forget it." She narrowed her eyes on mine.

"Mom!" Zexion growled but she hushed him.

"I would never do anything to disrespect or hurt your son. He's much too precious to me." I said, being honest, but still wondering what she'd say if she knew how often Zexion used to beg me for sex.

"And you don't see a problem with this?" His mom looked to mine and to my surprise and thanks, she shook her head.

"Demyx is an adult and I believe that the best way for him to learn anything is through experience. Whether this works out how they hope or not, in my opinion, should be left up to them to find out."

I looked to my mom and smiled, taking her hand as if to say thank you.

Zexion's mom hummed into a sigh, appearing deep in thought. "I don't approve."

"Mom!" Zexion whined, on the verge of crying.

"You heard me." She said sternly and Zexion rushed to his feet, tears already exploding.

"Zexion!" I stood up and caught him before he could run away upstairs, upstairs and away from me. "Shh, it's alright Zexion. It's ok." I didn't believe my own words, but something inside me was telling me to say it.

"I cant Demyx. I almost died when you broke up with me. But this, this is too much." Zexion sobbed in my arms and I glanced up from his shoulder to look at his mom through my watery eyes. I stared at her intensely, not necessarily in anger, but to show her what pain she was causing both of us.

"I love you. I may not be allowed to, but it's not going to stop my heart from what it knows." I pushed Zexion out with my hands still on his shoulders as he nodded, wiping away his tears with his loose sleeves.

"I love you too." He put his head back on my chest and I squeezed him before I pried his body off of mine.

"Thank you, for at least hearing us out." I said to his mother, sincere, but still unhappy.

His mom gave me a single nod, and I left with my mother, realizing that there really is no way to get through to this woman. No wonder Zexion was so emotionless; his mother turned him into an unresponsive robot. When I got back inside my house with my mom, I felt so lost.

"You ok sweetie?" my mom put a hand on my shoulder.

"I don't know what to do now. I spent two years trying to make him happy; now that I don't have him anymore, I don't know what to do."

My mom patted my back. "Now it's time to make yourself happy."

"He makes me happy."

"Well, now is the time to focus on yourself."

I was quiet; I didn't have anything to say.

"Go to bed dear." My mom walked away and I sighed, marching upstairs reluctantly. When I heard the sound of her car driving away a couple hours later, I knew I was truly alone.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Ouch, I bet you all hate Zexion's mother even more now! *winces* sorry!<p>

To boxthissideup: haha yeah, I understand. I want to slap her too, even though I made her that way. I hate tragedies. I feel bad, like I'm going to end up losing fans for only writing happy endings, but I love that 'feel good' feeling you get when you read a happy ending. And isn't that what fanfic is for? To feel better? Anyway, I wish I could draw too, really badly! Ugh, I'd draw all the yaoi that I write lol. Aww, I'm glad though, cause I wanted his journals to be sad, so almost crying is good lol. Yes, he got to sleep with his Zexy! ^_^ I'm working on semantics and I already know some morphology/phonology. German is my language too. Yea, I'm excited for the new story! But I have tons others I'm working on too, so we'll see how it works out lol.

To Casper: haha, I LOVE Aladdin, so thank you for that! Hehehe, sounds violent, but….we'll see lol.

To SexiZexi: OMG you should totally draw what Zexion did, if you want. I absolutely suck at drawings; even my stick figures look pathetic! Ummm….ok…I'll remember that when I'm stuck on a desert O.o YAY! I'm glad that I have you hooked into this story! Hence all my cliff-hanger chapters lol.

To Drunkoncookies: Ah! Well then I guess you has to hurry and review then! And there is one chapter left! But as always, I'll be posting a new fanfic immediately after.

To 18plusforme: YES! As a fangirl, I love to dream ;P Thank you for loving the chappy and I LOVE YOU TOO!

To shadowridge: …what kind of pancakes? But I'd guess, purple because ice cream has no bones.

WTF is up with all these random questions? lmao

REMINDER: that the next story to be posted will be Fire Works, which is the sequel to Butterflies, which is the sequel to LMBYPopsicle. If you're waiting for the LAST chapter of this story to be posted, PLEASE go read LMBYPopsicle. I've been told its probably my best story, and I'm really proud of it and would appreciate any more readers/fans/reviews on that story! Plus, the sequel to that, Butterflies, is already up and the newest story in the trilogy will be going up in 2 days!

DON'T FORGET to check my profile for story updates and reminders!

Thank yous!

Heart, Sarabellum


	10. Zexy is Sexy

It took me four hours of staring at the ceiling before I was able to fall asleep, and I only woke up because I had to go to swim practice.

"Demyx, you ok?" My coach, Xemnas, asked.

"Yeah." I lied, trying to focus on where I was and what I was doing.

"Looks like someone took the half fish out of the water." Xigbar folded his arms and I rolled my eyes.

"Give it a rest Xig." I shoved him and he shoved back.

"As if! Don't punish Marly and me for your lack of focus."

"I am focused." I said, as if I were trying to prove it to myself.

"Don't expect us to believe that blatant bullshit."

I turned to see Marly put his long hair back into a messy ponytail.

"Alright you three, save it for the water." Coach Xemnas put his whistle to his lips, blew, and the three of us dove into the water, always starting practice with a race. I got first, followed by Marly, then Xiggy. After an exhausting practice, I showered in the locker room and walked home. That was my life for two weeks, trying to keep myself busy, earning more meaningless trophies and medals that once meant the world to me, but now that I couldn't show Zexion, I didn't care.

The worst part was when I was on my way home after a swim meet one day and as I was carrying my first place trophy up my walkway to my front door, I saw Zexion's mom leaving her house. She stared me down but I have her one of my confident and friendly smiles, hoping to get one back. She just sighed, got into her car, and drove away. I went into my backyard and decided to skinny dip since no one was home. Right when I was down to my boxers, something caught my attention through the corner of my eye. I looked to the side and up to see Zexion in a second story window of his house, waving and smiling. I waved wildly and hugged myself as if I was hugging him; I blew kisses, and then I slowly took off my boxers, loving the way he blushed and held his hands together in anticipation.

I began touching myself and he ran away, which made me think that maybe I was making our separation harder for him. I sighed and was about to dive in the water when I heard a noise in his yard.

"Dem!" He called and I saw the top of his head over the tall fence that divided our yards.

"Zexy!" I ran up to the fence, my chin and everything above towering over the fence, and put my hands over his as he struggled to stay up. I looked over and saw that he was clinging to the fence to reach the top.

"Get something to stand on; I want to kiss you." I said and he let go to allow his feet to touch the ground and ran inside to come back out with a chair.

"I'm coming over." He stood on the chair, swung one leg over the fence, and hopped over as I caught him.

I smashed our bodies together in a tight embrace and attacked his face with my kisses. He cupped my face and kissed me back just as aggressively and desperately. Once our lips made direct contact, we each held each other's face and made out passionately. When we broke the kiss because he needed air, although I could have held it longer, he squeezed my biceps angrily.

"I cant take this anymore. I miss you." I put my hands on the small of his back.

"I miss you too; a lot. But we'll get through this." I didn't feel like my words were right, but I knew that they had to be for me to survive.

"She wants to move."

"Where? When?"

"I have no idea, but I've seen a bunch of adds and flyers for houses in Twilight Town. My dad comes home in about a week; I think that's how long I have left." Zexion said and I nodded with a sigh.

"Then we have to make it last." I said, removing Zexion's shirt before taking off my own. He smiled as he removed his pants and his underwear and I quickly did the same, skipping right to the good stuff as I had him kneel on the concrete, his head by his knees as I squished his ass between my fingers. He mewled softly as I spanked him and massaged him, alternating between gentle and rough before I started licking him forcefully. I let my tongue dive as far inside him as he could and i loved how he pushed his ass higher in the air, closer to my mouth, silently begging for more. I twisted his balls with one of my hands, loving how he squirmed his thighs around and whimpered as I tugged on them. I rubbed a finger all over around his entrance, teasing him as he demanded that I stick it inside, and of course I obeyed with a smile. He exhaled loudly as I poked it around, then I pulled it out to lick him up some more. I spat on his hole, loving the sound it made and the sounds it made Zexion make. He then went on all fours, tugging at his own cock as I did mine, each of us preparing for me to enter him. I squatted over him, practically sitting on his ass even as I was inside it. I started slow and gentle, admiring the petite hums of gratification Zexion made. Then, I sped up, going all the way till my balls slapped against his ass, getting turned on even more by the moans and whimpers he made. I put my hands behind my own ass to guide more quickly inside him and he turned his head to watch.

"Demy, my cock." He pleaded and I took it in my hand, stroking it rhythmically.

"Is this better?" I asked, spanking him a few times and he moaned.

"Yeah, oh fuck yeah. I fucking love you." He said and I smiled.

"I fucking love you too babe." I slammed hard into him and he arched his back, his fingers clawing into the cement.

"Got to come!" he warned as he shot his liquid into my hand. I played with his slit and felt his entire body shiver.

"Almost," I said, speeding up. "My turn. Zexy is sexy!" I yelled as I came into him, his body still shaking, even as I could hear him slightly laughing through his panting. I pulled out and helped him lay on his back as I laid at his side.

"Zexy is sexy?" He asked with a smile as we held each other on the cold tile.

"It's true." I smiled and he chuckled.

"I don't want this moment to end."

"Me either."

"Please don't make me go." He sniffled into my shoulder and immediately I started crying as well.

"I don't want you to go." I hated feeling this way.

"I love you." He squeezed my shoulders so tightly, I could feel his nails digging into my flesh.

"I love you too." I blinked my tears away, trying to be strong for him.

After just a few minutes of our silent crying and holding, he went back to his side over the fence, slowly disappearing from my view.

I was up all night figuring out my options to try to make this work.

I ran out of time. Four days later, I saw his mom and even his dad, who I hadn't seen in a while, moving big boxed out of their house and into a car. I froze right there by my car, unsure what to think or do.

"Hello there." His dad waved after he put a heavy looking box in the trunk of his car.

"Hello." I responded.

"Demyx, right?" I hadn't seen him since high school, and even then we never talked much.

"Yeah."

"Zexion's been worrying us lately." He said when his wife joined our fresh conversation.

"What's wrong?" His parents have never been involved in his life, other than trying to control it from a distance; but if they were concerned, then I should be too.

"He hasn't spoken for four days; he hasn't eaten in nearly three; he even stopped doing his homework."

I was shocked at his mom's words. For Zexion not to talk or eat much isn't too noticeable, but for him to not keep up with his studies….that's bad.

"Do you think he'll snap out of it?" I asked, wishing I could just talk to him.

"We don't know. We don't think so. I'm really worried that this will affect his schooling and his health." His dad said, putting an arm around his wife's shoulder as she nodded.

"Knowing Zexion, he just wants someone to show that they care enough about him to take care of him." I shrugged.

"You really think so?" His dad asked and I nodded.

"Yeah. He's not looking for attention, just recognition."

"How can you be so sure?" his mom asked as if she disagreed.

"It's just how he is. He likes his privacy, but he hates being treated like he's invisible."

"Sounds like you know him better than I do." His dad frowned.

"I grew up with him; everyday, he was my best friend." I said, not wanting to guilt him, but Zexion would always show that he hated the absence of his parents in his life.

"Look, as much as I don't necessarily agree with the idea, I think it would be best if you stayed in his life." His mom admitted and a smile grew on my face.

"Really?"

"Zexion needs supervision and care that we can't provide because of our careers; from what I heard before he muted himself, you were the one that took care of him." His mom said.

I shrugged with a modest smile. "I do what I can to make sure he's happy."

"He said that you cook him his favorite foods when he's hungry; you helped him get better when he got sick; he even said that you once beat up someone who used to bully him." His mom folded her arms and I rubbed the back of my neck nervously.

"The guy was being a jerk and I didn't like how he treated Zexion."

"You really are the one who he needs right now." His dad said and I smiled.

"He's the one I need."

His mom nodded. "We want you to look after him while we're gone in Twilight Town for the month."

"Wait; you mean, you guys aren't moving?" The good news was becoming too much.

"Not permanently. I'm just joining my husband on call for the hospital there while they're understaffed."

"Will you be willing or able to look after him for us?" His dad asked as if he didn't even know me.

"Of course!" I smiled.

His mom, for the first time that I know of, smiled. "We want you to surprise him to see if that breaks his current state."

My smile grew. "I can't wait."

"Good, he's in his room." His dad smiled and I joined them inside and up the stairs, down the hall, and into Zexion's room.

"Zexion?" His mom whispered as I saw the boy I love sit in a corner facing the wall.

"Zexion, you have a visitor." His dad said, but still Zexion didn't move. He sat in a little ball, staring into a corner as if he had been there for days.

His dad nodded at me and I took a step forward. "Zexion?" No sooner had I called his name then he turned, sprang up, and ran to me.

"I guess he really is his medicine." His dad laughed and when I was squeezing Zexion's guts out, I smiled at his mom, who smiled back at me.

"Demy?" Zexion called my name through tears.

"Shh, Demy's going to take care of you, ok?" I feared that I was going to suffocate him, but by the way he squeezed back, I knew he loved it.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: OMG so that's then end! Yes, THE END! Ah! Ok, so I'm going to post the sequel to Butterflies NEXT! It is called Fire Works. IF YOU HAVENT READ BUTTERFLIES, please do ^_^ and before that is LMBYPopsicle. That is like, my fav work so far, so I recommend reading it if you are looking for another fic. It's an akuroku Zemyx!<p>

To Casper: I understand your frustration, and I hope the end made you happy enough lol. Sorry I didn't kill her off :P

To 18plusforme: haha yes, of course they have to end up together, or else I probably wouldn't have written it . I NEED to write a chapter a day! I have so much fanfiction, I need to post it all lol!

To boxthissideup: Haha yea, when you put Demyx's mom up against Zexion's, Demyx's mom is much nicer lol. Hahaha I'm actually working on my first tradegy, but knowing me, I'll end up extending it so that way it has a happy ending lol. It's an akuroku, and I cant wait to post it. Funny enough, the title is (will be) Cant Ever Work. I LOVE YOUR CANADIAN STEREOTYPE lol. I seriously feel like I'm Canadian deep down inside. I go for Canada in all the winter Olympic sports haha. And yes, I sang the Canadian national anthem when they won the gold for hockey .

ANNOUNCEMENT: Look out for FIRE WORKS (yes, 2 words lol) which I will start posting tomorrow! It is the story after butterflies, so make sure to catch up and/or review if you have to lol! Cant wait to read you reviews!

Love, Sarabellum


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